Finding Love

The Four Agreements, written in 1997 by Don Miguel Ruiz is a book that has been a source of inspiration and encouragement to many who have read it.  Based on ancient Toltec wisdom of the native people of Southern Mexico, it is a code for living; a template for personal development, effective communication and healthy relationships. Ruiz challenges us to explore ways in which we can implement these four agreements in your own lives and free ourselves from self-limiting beliefs that rob us of love, happiness and purpose in our lives.

Agreement 1: Be Impeccable with Your Word  

Speak always with integrity and truth and only say what you mean.  Words have power whether you speak them over yourself or others.  Negative words only serve to undermine our feelings of worth and sway us from our purpose.  Therefore choose your words carefully; speak in love and truth and seek to affirm, encourage and inspire both yourself and those around you.

Agreement 2: Do Not Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you.  What others do and how they treat you is because of their own reality: their dreams, fears or insecurities.  You are not their problem.  When you depend on others to validate your self-worth then you allow them to decide how you feel about yourself.  No longer become a victim of others opinions and actions and begin to accept your own uniqueness, value and worth. When you no longer rely on the approval of others you are able to give yourself permission to live the life you love.

Agreement 3: Do Not Make Assumptions

Do not jump to conclusions, but make sure you understand the situation and the actions of others.  Many a battle is waged because of a simple misunderstanding.  Take the time to listen carefully to what others say and need.  Ask questions when you do not understand and find within yourself the courage and conviction to express your thoughts, needs and feelings truthfully.  Clear, direct and honest communication is the pathway to healthy and successful relationships.

Agreement 4:  Always Do Your Best

No matter how you feel, no matter what the circumstances are in your life, always endeavour to do the best you can do.  You and you alone are responsible for your life.  Blaming others, making excuses, giving up and giving in to despair and failure will prevent you from fully participating in life and creating the life you desire.  When you commit to applying yourself to the task at hand completely and fully then you will avoid self-judgement, self-deprecation and regret and build a life that will have a positive and lasting impact on those around you.

Our goal should not be to live forever but to do something that will.  (Chuck Palahniuk)